Your Results May Vary
First published: February, 1990. First posted online: August 01, 2005.
The Tolkien-teasing continues as our halfling heroine accepts an unwanted burden that only she can bear. But in putting up with him, she gets that juicy Power as a
consolation prize wedding present. All shall love her, and despair.
She won’t care for them much more than before, though.
We had originally intended to end the story arc of Ogrek and the Headpiece of FriNn with the following strip– first made public as a Shockwave file at SciFi’s second online convention in 1997– reproduced below.
The idea of being able to “win” a roleplaying game amused us; for in truth, a character that can do anything, can actually do no more: There are no longer any challenges to an infinitely powerful being, and so hence, no story. You might decide to create peace everywhere… or destroy everywhere… or get picky and petty on lesser beings like Star Trek TNG’s “Q” or your typical “GM”.
But your narrative story days are over. Welcome to the trippy dimension of being a deity. Better read up on your Zelazny– oh wait! you’re all omniscient today. We beg Thy Pardon.
Anyway, editor Roger Moore was convinced we could do better. He was right, as usual. But what could a goddess want or need? That’s how we came up with the next episode…
…Instead of this episode:
Yamara demonstrates the importance of game balance.
You might not know it to look at me, but thanks to the headpiece of Frinn, I now wield the powers of a Major Diety.
This has rendered all of my previous ambitions… moot.
I am aware of every life-form on the moons of Quodd.
The mind of Archmage Stanley is an open, if tedious, book to me.
I can pick the winner of any horse race, ever. Go on, ask me.
What to do when this happens to you?
Hand the artifact/relic over to the responsible authorities.
YoU shaLL bE reWardEd;
This beats regarding your friends as microbes and having high-level parties sent out to destroy you.
Let’s not tell her that the omnipotence is a permanent side effect.
So remember, keep your x.p.’s on the gold standard.
You’ll be glad you did.
Q. I cannot read the tiny letters. What do they say, Gandalf?
A. They are jokes in the ancient mode of Kurtzman, which we will utter here. Or at least enlarge. And don’t call me Gandalf.
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