First published: May, 1992. First posted online: November 03, 2005.
Odd. Halloween was days ago, but here are these two guys in identical costumes showing up, asking for–
Oh bloody hell. Evangelists.
Back in the early nineties, we lived just down the road from a “Kingdom Hall” of the Jehovah’s Witnesses. And so, being in missile range, our doorstep was targeted from time to time.
They come in pairs, and they come with their own construct of an invisible friend. Their invisible friend wants something from you, and they’re here to collect it.
Mind you, we have our own take on how the universe is run. It’s the product of years of interaction and and consideration. It includes invisible friends. But ours aren’t demanding your money. Well, we might sell you unrelated stuff here online, and talk about this subject at the same time. But we won’t swap cash for gods.
This happened at least once with the JWs. After attempting to influence Chris at the door with Oratory, and failing the skill challenge, they revealed that they had some pamphlet of truth they were willing to part with, for cash. Chris tried to point out that their larger, original Pamphlet was available for free for a reason, while Bar, as a good guru does, looked on serenely from the landing above. But alas, Jehovah– according to witnesses– wanted us to give unto him what was Washington’s. Hard copy is expensive. Bar tossed a quarter down the stairs to Chris, who caught it with one hand, and “donated” it for the pamphlet.
Then we were informed that the enlightening pamphlet was “a dollar”. There’s a lesson here, children.
We’ll trust you to parse it out on your own.
Subsequent visits meant one or the other of us would target the younger “student” witness with probing spiritual questions. Once the elder “handler” unit realized we were intent on deprogramming, he would shuffle them off our stoop, and they would flee.
We’ve had Mormons, too. But they come from an alternate universe, bless their little souls! Ya gotta love that kind of dedication.
Our coverage of the Songbird Continuity Controversy continues:
THE SAGA OF
Jif(f)THE UNSUNG SONGBIRD
Q. What’s the deal with the wonky logo? This is the second time this has happened.
A. Yeah, once or twice Chris was at UPS on deadline, and… didn’t bring a photocopy of the logo to glue on. So it would get drawn on, goofily, and unseriously. Sad, really.
Q. Well, don’t let it happen again.
Q. We know the tall bugbear is called Willy. What’s the name of the short one?
We didn’t just make that up today, either:
Get the door. It’s bugbears.