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| Radio Free Wyhtl™ is not intended for readers under 18 months of age. The Newsletter of the World of Where Yamara Has To Live. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| Volume 1 Issue 2 | All the Fits That's New to Print | September 1999 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Violence Sparked By AD&D 3rd Edition Changes MILWAUKEE--With change comes instability, as employees of Renton, Washington-based Wizards of the Coast discovered early this month, when the coming of Advanced Dungeons & Dragons 3rd Edition was announced at the GenCon Game Fair. "We never anticipated this kind of bloodshed," an unidentified, battered man in a torn 3rd edition t-shirt told reporters. "We've released a kind of hell on earth, trespassing in God's domain. Forgive us, if you can." The strong reaction was not so much based on the media hype, nor were players dissatisfied. It was the lethal combination of allowing assassins and monks again, while dismissing the ancient THAC0 rule at the same time. Players, immersed in years of anticipatory M:TG hype, immediately began playing under what they imagined the rules to be, even though they are a year from publication. "The result has been a horrific combination of 1st edition instant-kills and multiple attacks a round, coupled with complete disregard for armor class altogether." explained Elminster, senile spokesperson and popular TSR division puppet/figurehead. "What, by the thundering heavens, were we thinking? Where's my catheter gone?" Elminster's catheter later turned up for sale in a collectible card shop in Des Moines. Hasbro Patents Popular Polygon PAWTUCKET, R.I.--In a landmark move, Hasbro, the toy and game giant, has secured the patent for the Euclidian hexagon. This follows directly from their recent acquisition of Avalon Hill, in whose wargame maps hexagons were first marketed to the public. "This is a great day for us," explained Mike Horrid, spokesperson. "Now anyone wishing to use our property, in any combination, especially as a game element, must come crawling on their belly before us and plead for swift mercy." In the near future, wargamers should expect to have to pay per move in live games, the game ending when all but one player runs out of cash. "It restores that element of the economic sphere to the military simulation," said Horrid, poorly hiding his drool. The wire fence industry was alarmed at the news, and filed a formal protest. Biologists report bee colonies have begun producing a new class of worker, the attorney bee. Denise Olthlay Unloads Old Jalopy On Archvillain DEMONWEB PITS, WI--In what must be a record for number of years to wait to sell a working used car, Denise, Dark Elven Demon Princess of Ticks, announced last month that she finally managed to sell her enormous stories-tall spider car. "It was just sitting there, down in Module Q1, no one was ever really interested in driving it. I mean, look at it. It's a ponderous Winnebago from hell, literal hell!" It's been a long road for lemon-owner Olthlay. "George Lucas was briefly interested in the late seventies, when he was considering putting snow spiders on the ice planet of Hoth in The Empire Strikes Back. But he just looked at it awhile, and walked away without saying anything. I lost heart when Troma turned it down, and I was ready to pay for towing by then." The final purchaser was said to be one Dr. Loveless, who sources quote as claiming he needed it as "the perfect thing to bring down a multimillion dollar motion picture." It's music to Denise's ears. "Thank Ichor for steampunk," the popular demoness was heard to say. "Those tripped-out magic cowboys will buy anything." Spelljammer manufacturers hope that the recent pirate fad will fuel similar impulse buying. |
GenCon Amazed by Continuum, All Praise Barbara's Shares MILWAUKEE--Well, we went to GenCon. God, we had fun. Barbara's hair was different this time, due to the kind offices of her devestatingly masculine hairdresser. Aetherco/Dreamcatcher's CºNTINUUM: Roleplaying in The Yet debuted August 5 at GenCon 1999. But the road to Milwaukee began months before, with trials, tribulations, and threats to murder one another. Full Text » Alcott Squad Returns, in Relaunched Valkyrie White Wolf Addresses Embarrassing Irony of Aging Vampire Market Police Badge Mistaken for Buttonman; An Arrest Precedence Declares Claudia Christian a God Hong Kong Action Theater's Lease Reverts to China Lotho Sackville-Baggins Hires Saruman, Grima As Advisors 
Graphormation What's Holding Up the Second Yamara Book? Conventions & Manifestations The Con Game The Iizak Says So Call Me MISTER Binks Lettres It's A Rule Chebache, Super Nova and Dragon Dice Should Be Combined A look at the numbers that shape our world. 
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