Fan Service
First published: March, 2001. Posted Online: April 27, 2006.
 
Around the millennium, the Sailor Moon phenomenon reached larp speed, and we began to encounter some of the most horrific images in all cosplaydom. And not just images. These Sailor Moonboys were walking around the streets of Milwaukee in broad daylight, wolfing down hot dogs, and trotting breathily to some GenCon appointment for which they dared not be late, their cases of gaming supplies jammed under their sweaty, costumed armpits.*
 
Now, don't get us wrong. We love our fans, and fandom in general. Long have we been annoyed by the creators of such series as Star Trek and Buffy for taking precious screen time to gleefully reinforce negative fannish and gamer stereotypes. Luxuriating over taking the p!$$ out of the neurotic among us is a vile practice that is better left behind in high school. Sadly, and unsurprisingly, the powerful often refuse to act adult. So we've been careful not to take easy potshots at fandom.
 
We also have the deepest respect for the transgendered and -vested; respect for the playful side, as well as respect for the serious challenges that such a life entails.
 
And, importantly, whatever non-life-threatening kink gets consenting adults off in private is their business, and not anyone else's.
 
Clear so far? Good.
 
Because grown men should not be going around in public dressed as underage schoolgirls.
 
To review...
 
This is not something the "straights" can get their head around, nor should they. There is no way to explain fantasy roleplaying as being for adults with these clowns walking around. And we mean "clowns" literally: Circus clowns are scary to many kids because they are adults acting like children. Add a prepubescent gender reversal, and the distinction between one of these guys and a roving molester gets that much thinner.**
 
And this why we paired Yamara showing off her new "guns" with the bitter pathos of seedy men in matching children's dresses: They are unequal opposites. Hers is a long-term decision of daring self-improvement, and theirs represents a passing moment of obstinate bad judgement.
 
Conflation of the adult and the pre-adult is not something a civilization can long maintain. You can move the demarcation line, between 12 and 21 years old, or so, or even leave the transition open for a decade, as the modern West does. But these are simple physical facts of Time: That at one stage of a human life, it is too young to know or understand itself; at a later stage it is too old not to be responsible for its decisions and actions.
 
Whenever these conditions are reversed, no one is an adult.
 
And that's just wrong.
 
 
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*Scott "Goat" Rienecker, an acquaintance of Dave Fooden's during their SVA days, did a more timely job of warning the world about these beings in an episode of his 1999 MTV street gem, Downtown.
 
**For a lively debate on this issue, and one that should relieve you of the heaviness of our rant, please read here: Mystery Science Theatre 3000, or "NAMBLA". Gaah.
 
 
 
FAQ:
 
Q. Wait, Stress and Yamara inherited a house? Ralph is an interstellar magnate?? A BABY?!?
 
A. Like we said last time, we touch upon the larger plot in these Valkyrie episodes, rather than address it head on. Rest assured, we've been thinking about how Ralph inherits Glathheld's industrial empire for awhile now. A nice perq for having suffered as his last familiar, we suppose.
 
And as for the kid? Perhaps you haven't been paying close attention to this site...
 
 
 
Q. Why did you make Yamara so huge in the panel on the top of the site?
 
A. Well, actually...
 
Chris has noticed that keeping Yamara's size consistent has been tricky. She's never been close to the claimed 3'9" she's supposed to be, but after a four year absence, she suddenly got super-huge.
 
And we're not talking about those muscles, those are intentional. It's like she's from a verse with a much higher Thrust, and is just dimensionally larger, and you'd have to have read a copy of the old pre-release of NªRCISSIST from 2000 to even get what we just said.
 
Chris has fixed this episode from how it was originally published. It's like Yam cast "weapon shrinkage" on herself.
 
Betcha ya got that reference.
 
Before and After: I was 37 pound weakling...

Fan Service, panels four and five (comparison).
 
 
 
Q. Tiny letters... in my soup.
 
A. Tiny letters... Blibdoolpoop.
 

Fan Service, panel one (detail).
 

Fan Service, panel seven (detail).