Written some forgotten date in 1999. Typed and slightly edited 05/26/00. About what happened just 
after the group from "Yamara" [the comic strip, not the one that looks like Heather Graham] 
escaped from Ekmudd-Strel-Thridd. Unfinished. PG for a small amount of bad language.

Yamara---No, the one from "Dragon Magazine"
By Heather Gately

Yamara stood at the bow of the Dark Treacle and did what she often did---wallowed in self-pity.

Oh, she could be sooo wealthy by now, if it weren't for her so-called "friends." But no, they 
were *not* her friends, were they? A somewhat insane vampire, the talking toad Ralph, now the 
boatswain. Her husband, Ogrek, and his first wife Stress. That annoying drowboy Freznip, the 
morose Withers, Tim, former paladin, now vampire and occasional giant, sunglasses-clad flying 
squirrel. The only sane person on the whole ship seemed to be Joe, who had recently been sold 
into slavery by the alignment-confused Fea (Where WAS Fea, anyway??), then bought by Ogrek and 
given to Persephone (the insane vamp) as a birthday present.

Ah, what an odd-ball group. Is this what HELL is like??

"Yamara! Darling!"

Yamara groaned. {Here comes my hubby now} she thought. {Damn those FriNn!} It had been their 
fault she was stuck with him.

"How are you this morning? Did you eat your breakfast?"

Yamara turned to face him. "No. I took a shower and came up on deck. I've been here since 8."

Time meant little on the Treacle, but Yamara tried to preserve as much of home as she possibly 
could. Although, technically, her home was in a dungeon next door to one million dead, rotting 
bugbears.

"Why? I had some nice French toast prepared especially for you. Ralph cooked it."

"I'm sorry, Ogrek, but I wouldn't touch food that Ralph made with a 10 foot pole."

Ogrek merely shrugged. He was always so damn *neutral* about everything.

"Oh, well. I'm just trying to make this trip as comfortable as possible for you."

"Trip?" Yamara asked. Pause. "Ogrek...Where are we going?"

"To Hard Fun(tm), of course! The happiest place in the universe," he replied.

"Isn't that planet a complete *desert*?"

Ogrek nodded. "Yes, but they have a wonderful amusement park there now. I check the AAA book. 
I'm sure you'll enjoy it."

Yamara rolled her eyes. {Great. Just great. Yocchi takes over the world and I never see my home 
again. And I have to go to some stupid amusement park on a wasteland planet} she though.

Suddenly, she heard a loud crash come from one of the lower decks.

"Oh, that must be the chicken fajitas I set Ralph to cooking," Ogrek explained. "Joe was getting
 hungry. He doesn't appreciate Drow and vampire cuisine as much as the rest of us do."

With that, he was gone. Yamara sighed. {Thank goodness!}

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

{Oh, no. Can't they leave me *alone*?!}

"Hey, Yam. Ralph just blew up the galley. Come look."

"Maybe later, Stress."

"But there are flames! Scalding hot tortillas everywhere! Withers is going to put it out any 
second. You'll miss it."

"I...don't...CARE!!!!" Yamara snapped.

"Geez..." Stress muttered.

"Look," Yamara said. "Shouldn't you be trying to kill Ogrek about now?"

Stress pondered this a moment, then flashed a wicked grin.

"I'll see you later, Yam. I have laundry to check."

She disappeared.

Yamara smiled. Alone at...

"YAMARA!"

...last?

"Persephone."

"Yamaram the kitchen's on fire! Joe's in trouble!" Persephone exclaimed. "You must help! Quickly!"

"Maybe later."

"But Yamara, Joe's life is in danger! He..." Persephone stopped to ponder this a moment. "Wait! 
That's good! Then I won't have to kill him *myself*. Ypu're a genius, Yamara!"

"I am? OOPH!"

Persphone grasped the halfing in a long, tight and possibly lethal hug, thus annoying her further.

"I'll go tell Timmy!"

Persephone skipped away, and was gone.

Yamara blinked, then turned back to the bow. The distant stars of space glistened beautifully. 
It almost took one's mind off of...

"Oh, Darling?"

Yamara began to consider leaping off of the Treacle and just drifting through space endlessly. 
{It'd be peaceful, at least.}

"Darling, I just realized something. We never actually went on our honeymoon..." Ogrek began.

"I thought *this* was our honeymoon."

"Well, it's certainly a large portion of it, yes, in a sense. But, you know, this is more like a
 vacation for all of us. Persey, Joe, Stress, Ralpj..."

"Is there a point to this, Ogrek?" Yamara asked, still gazing out into space, ready to leap off
 the boat if her husband didn't leave within 30 seconds.

"You never did see what the Captain's quarters looked like, hon. Why don't we go see..."

Yamara turned around. "I may be your wife," she fumed, "But I will never, never, ever, IN A
 MILLION YEARS, NEVER be your lover. Got it?"

Ogrek raised an eyebrow. " You don't have to be so..."

"BITCH!"

"Yes, bitchy, that's a good adjective...why, Stress, were you listening?"

Stress stormed over. "YOU DIE, HALFLING!"

"Not *this* again? First you turn all the Drow against me, and then..."

"You left me at that gas station for thirty-five years!"

"Now, now, Stress. It was a simple mistake. Besides, you gained control of Ekmudd-Strel-Thridd 
for working at Lennie's Diner for so long. It came with a 1000-year warranty, too."

"ASSHOLE!!!!"

"I...er...think I should be leaving now," Yamara murmered. Neither heard her.

Yamara snuck away to her quarters, and passed the kitchen on the way there. It was true. The 
entire kitchen had serious scorches. Withers and Ralph seemed to have everything under control, 
though. Freznip cowered in fear nearby, and Persephone was nursing a miniscule wound on Joe's arm
. The fajitas that Ralph had been working on, which sat on the center counter, were burned beyond
 recognition. Yamara continued down the hall to her bedroom.